Future Pending....

Well today is that day. The day I take my first step towards tomorrow, and leave behind all that defined yesterday. I jump from the cliffs of stability, from all that was good and comfortable into the depths of uncertainty. I'm excited and terrified in the same breath. I prayed and pondered and now through faith, and a little fear I am responding in obedience to the LORD's calling for me. I am leaving a job that I loved, with godly women who encouraged me and spoke truth unto my heart so often. Soon I will be leaving the home in which I have always known. I am running the path that is set before me, because I'm afraid to slow down or else I might turn back around. I am praying "dear ABBA I will obey you, I will trust you, and I will have faith that you will guide me... But help me to do all these things as I know due to sin nature I will fail." The waters of uncertainty of tomorrow suround me, and I choose through grace to surrender in it. Now all that I know is that HE holds my tomorrow, and all that I can see is that my future is pending.

Beautiful Surrenderence

  This past year has brought much adversity to my life. I will spare you from such a long list of trials, but I will tell you I regret none of it. For in adversity faith is strengthened, and courage developed. James 1 has been my go to in this season of my life. For I (completely and undoubtly by the LORD enabling grace) have been able to stand steadfast under trial. I have a reached a beautiful point of surrenderence that can only be experienced inwardly and in a state of worship. Though my shoulders are often weighed down with strife- my heart is light. It is lovely to be here. Beautiful, freeing surrenderence. The next chapter in my life is taking a big turn with many changes, but I have reached a point of trust in the LORD that frees my heavy heart- and I know, oh that I know this inward gift is from the LORD.

"Blessed is the man who perserveres under trial; for once he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the LORD has promised to those who love HIM." -James 1:12

Camp Marannook

I was sixteen when I first responded to the gospel and over the years GOD has used many tools to draw me closer to HIM- Marannook is one of the greatest. I was so priviliged to study HIS word like never before for 100 plus hours, and grow in intimacy with my HEAVENLY FATHER, my ABBA. It was the best summer I had ever committed to regarding the LORD's work in my life and the lives of children. Surely it was a sacrifice of abandoning any selfish desire to spend my time however I felt, but I do not regret it one bit! I know that many fear the commitment that it requires, and I understand. I feel I can speak on behalf of my entire training staff and say we all understand and none of us regret that we gave up our summer. On one hand I could talk about Marannook forever, and on the other there aren't enough words to describe such an experience. I remember reading Romans and just weeping tears of grief and joy simultaneously as I let the gospel saturate my heart. I vividly remember speaking to our mentor and bible teacher and repeating over and over "I don't deserve it, but I don't have to earn it" as I just felt defeated and uplifted upon pondering the beauty of the gospel. I wish that every college student who loves JESUS would attend camp Marannook so that they could see the special place that it is. I want to encourage any college students with a free summer of even a possible free summer to strongly consider camp. I promise you when you surrender to submitting your summer to the LORD in this way it is truly a blessing. Let me just put it this way- are you willing to sacrifice your summer for the ONE who sacrificed HIS life for you?

Leeching or Loving

Where do I even start? How about James Chapter one, because that seems to be the theme of my life right now. This season of my life has been a continuation of sanctifying trials back to back, and I don't always "consider it pure joy".  So often I get caught up in wanting to question GOD's motives for my suffering that I forget HE is shaping me to be "perfect and complete, lacking in nothing".  I am learning endurance on a level that I never would have dreamt of, and probably never would have asked for- thank the LORD it isn't up to me!

Endurance however is not the only thing I have been learning lately, but even also what it means to love. True, genuine, sacrificial love is something I find myself crawling back to and seeking my heart to extend to others. The old saying "love hurts" -well I think I'm starting to get it now. Love often means letting go, and it often brings heart ache. Yet when my heart hurts that's when I know I have loved, because nothing else could feel the same (I feel like I sound like the tin man). I prayed for discernment in love, and I truly feel the LORD is in the midst of answering that prayer. There is a difference between what I call "leeching" and loving. Leeching takes place- well when you are taking, while loving requires giving. Love gives and doesnt expect anything in return. Love often requires a hard truth to be spoken that can leave another in heartache as well. Love isn't always easy to give, and it isn't always easy to receive. Leeching benefits no one in the long run, but pleases many in the moment. Love often hurts in the moment, but benefits many in the long run. And that is why I choose to love....

Admitting and Facing Difficulty

8/27/2014

It's often easier to put on a smile and keep going than to admit your struggling, and broken. Yet the Christian walk calls us to be transparent- admitting that we are broken. That is why we are in high need of a savior. Our flesh is completely incapable of enduring trial alone. Yet (as I can only speak for myself) I still find myself smiling rather than admitting my world is falling apart. Why? Because my flesh knows that it is easier. What a disservice it is to act like everything is sunshine and rainbows all the time. I have been guilty of such- for that I greatly apologize.

Transparency is a difficult, yet a necessary thing. Being transparent is showing your evident need for Christ. The bible has multiple accounts of God's children being transparent during trial. How transparent? Well they wrote books about it. These books have been combined in the "good book". This book has been translated in multiple languages, and been the best seller for generations on end. Now that's transparent! These men wrote a detailed account of how they endured. Examples including David as he endured under the hands of his enemies, Jeremiah as he cries out in Lamentations, and Paul as he was imprisoned. If the bible is made up of so many accounts of transparent men- why do we shy from being transparent ourselves? Again it's a flesh thing. It's so much easier to smile and keep going than to be open and honest. Now I'm not saying we should mope around and invite everyone to a pity party. So what is the option here? (Remember I am telling myself all of this as I share it with you). The option is.... to smile. I know. I know. I just said we should be transparent under trial. Yes! We should! The option is to smile knowing that God is sanctifying us as we struggle. I definitely find that something worth smiling about.


As Jeremiah, David, and Paul endured they praised God. Like in Lamentations 3: Jeremiah cries out to God as he endures, and he accepts God's sovereignty. "Remember my affliction and my wanderings, the wormwood and the gall! My soul continually remembers it and is bowed down within me. But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope; "The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. "The Lord is my portion," says my soul, "therefore I will hope in him." The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him." (Lamentations 3:19-25) Like in Psalm when David cries out under trouble: "Incline your ear, O Lord, and answer me, for I am poor and needy. Preserve my life, for I am godly; save your servant, who trusts in you- you are my God. Be gracious to me, O Lord, for to you do I cry all the day. Gladden the heart of your servant, for to you, O Lord, do I lift my soul. For you are good and forgiving, abounding in steadfast love to all who call upon you." (Psalm 86:1-5)


Facing difficulty and admitting it are two very different yet similar things. Facing struggle is like admitting it to yourself and asking God for help. Struggle is not something to be ashamed of, but something to rejoice in knowing that God is at hand. He is working in you, and me through trial. Romans 5:1-5 tells us "Therefore since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." James 1: 2-4 says "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness and let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." Both of these passages inform us of what good things struggle produce in us. They clearly inform us that struggle and trial are good for us. They remind us that we must rejoice in them. So let it be done.


The challenge? Be transparent. Just like the men in the bible. Like David, Jeremiah, and Paul -praise God as you do so. Like Romans and James remind us rejoice in your struggles knowing they produce good in us. Being transparent with others you trust and know will be in prayer for you is a good thing. It is something I myself am gradually learning to do.

GOD is GOD wherever you are

     It's been a while since I've sat in front of my computer trying to put my thoughts together. Honestly I don't know where to start. I spent the summer at a ministry camp knowing it would be a time of growth- but not like this. "This". How can I explain it? How do I tell you what "this" is? Marannook (the LORD's resting place)  is like a snow globe. Your trapped in this little world that is so special and intimate where time doesn't exist. I know it sounds like a dream, but that's because it felt like one. Part of you doesn't ever want to leave it, but the other part of you knows there is a big world out there. This world. Where cars are buzzing, people are in a hurry... and broken. In one hand it feels like your waking up from the most wonderful dream to a nightmare. The thing is GOD is the same GOD no matter where you are- no matter where I am. The things of this world are constantly changing, but GOD is always the same. Whether we're in a season on top of a mountain or in a valley- GOD is the same. That is what sustains me. That is why I am not concerned that I had to wake up from that beautiful dream. Marannook will always be a special place to me, but it is GOD who made it so. GOD is the one worthy of such credit for the growth in me. GOD is the one worthy of credit for the change of my brothers and sisters in CHRIST. 

     I suppose one may want to know these changes,and I have no desire to with hold such a thing from you. Yet it goes back to "where do I begin?". Before going into camp I knew one thing I struggled with the most was self righteousness. Upon studying Romans I saw and felt in some measure the weight of my sin. At this point all I wanted to do was condemn myself! Like Paul at the end of Romans 7 shout out "Wretched man that I am!". My point is this- both outlooks are completely wrong. We are not good enough. I am NOT good enough. We don't deserve salvation. I DO NOT deserve salvation. Yet this- I DO NOT have to earn it. The problem was once I saw how wretched I was I suddenly felt the desire to earn my salvation. What a fool! SALVATION is a GIFT. A GIFT that is FREELY given. Dear friend. Do not take lightly the cross- Jesus suffered in full for our sins. HE endured the wrath of GOD, the weight of our sin, the physical pain of the cross, and the pain of abandonment in our place. It should have been me on that cross. It should have been us. GOD is a JUST GOD! Yet dear friend take a breath- it does not end there. Though we do not deserve such a salvation GOD blesses HIS children beyond the cross. GOD is a just GOD, but HE is also a loving GOD. GOD created this world knowing we would sin, and yet HE made us anyways. HE knew HE HIMSELF would have to come to suffer on our behalf, and HE made us anyways. HE as CHRIST hung on that cross through the agonizing pain, because HE loved us. As Romans 8:37-39 tells us "nothing can separate us from the love of GOD" because HE loved us. Not even our sin could separate us from HIS love. You see GOD is just AND loving. GOD is loving AND just. You can't have one without the other. 

     Honestly I could go on and on about how GOD transformed my heart this summer- the growth was drastic. No matter what I could say it would all point back to the cross. There a many things that I have learned- they often came in bits and pieces (like a puzzle) pointing to the bigger picture. Least I not forget GOD is still working, because GOD is the same GOD no matter where I am. No matter where you are. This world is changing. This world is falling more and more apart. It is broken. GOD however is the same always. HE is the one who sustains. As I have stated my uncertainty of where to begin even more so I cannot say where I shall end. Why? Because GOD is still working.... 

     

"JESUS CHRIST is the same yesterday and today and forever" -Hebrews 13:8

Special dedication to my dearest Tifteen (Training Staff):

Thank you for allowing the LORD to work through you to minister to children, and to me. Tifteen would not be the same without any of you. (To: Anna Seay, Austin Fell, Caitlyn Sells, Cary Kendrick-Holmes, Devin Williamson, Evelyn Chang, James Carmichael, Katherine Killingsworth, Laura Braden, Elizabeth Williams, Mitch Wunderlich, and Nathan Fell)

To my program Staff:

Thank you for leading so well. Thank you for the sacrifices you made to better serve us and the precious children that came through Marannook. (To: Taylor Coleman, Monan Lu, Kat Spain and Cameron Hernandez)

Thank you to all the wonderful support staff for all your work and service!

Thank you to my dear teacher and friend for leading, listening, and loving us all so well! (Mr. Keith Ray)

Thank you also to his lovely wife and daughters! 

Thank you to Mr. Charles and Mrs. Barbara Kendrick-Holmes for making camp so fun, and educational. It is truly a special place. 

Most of all: Thank you JESUS for changing my heart. For working through and in my brothers and sisters in YOU. Thank YOU that YOU are always the same no matter where YOU take us. 

The Power of Words

Have you ever been impacted so greatly by something someone said? Positive or negative. Think about it. Now ask yourself this question: Why- if they are just mere words? My friend that is because words are not a "mere" thing. Spoken words are powerful and capable of many things. 

Of course I must take the word of God into consideration in this. After all they are the mightiest of words. There are multiple accounts in the bible of just how powerful words can be. Spoken words can bring a world into existence as in Genesis 1:3,6,9, 11,14,20,24, 26. "God said ___" and it came to be. Just like that! "For he spoke and it came to be; He commanded and it stood firm." (Psalm 33:9). Words can bring life as in the case of the valley of the dry bones in Ezekiel 37:4-13 (take note and be reminded this passage is symbolism of a believer being brought to life). Words can take life as in the case of Ananias and Sapphira in Acts 5:5,9-10. Words can cause the paralyzed/lame to walk as in the case of Acts 9:34. 

My friends, brothers, and sisters- let us allow this to encourage our hearts! If God can speak a world into existence, or bring or take life with words how much more can he provide for the things we ask with pure hearts. Yet also let it hold us accountable in choosing wisely what words we speak- for words are mightier than we realize and known in detail by a sovereign and holy God. Words have a mighty power capable to do many of things. So let us be eager to encourage, and quick to choose to ponder a thought before speaking it. Words are a mighty and wonderful thing. 



SUPPORTING TEXT

GENESIS 1

3 And God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. 4 And God saw that the light was good. And God separated the light from the darkness. 5 God called the light Day, and the darkness he called Night. And there was evening and there was morning, the first day.

6 And God said, “Let there be an expanse[a] in the midst of the waters, and let it separate the waters from the waters.” 7 And God made[b] the expanse and separated the waters that were under the expanse from the waters that were above the expanse. And it was so. 8 And God called the expanse Heaven.[c] And there was evening and there was morning, the second day.

9 And God said, “Let the waters under the heavens be gathered together into one place, and let the dry land appear.” And it was so. 10 God called the dry land Earth,[d] and the waters that were gathered together he called Seas. And God saw that it was good.

11 And God said, “Let the earth sprout vegetation, plants[e] yielding seed, and fruit trees bearing fruit in which is their seed, each according to its kind, on the earth.” And it was so. 12 The earth brought forth vegetation, plants yielding seed according to their own kinds, and trees bearing fruit in which is their seed, each according to its kind. And God saw that it was good. 13 And there was evening and there was morning, the third day.

14 And God said, “Let there be lights in the expanse of the heavens to separate the day from the night. And let them be for signs and for seasons,[f] and for days and years,15 and let them be lights in the expanse of the heavens to give light upon the earth.” And it was so. 16 And God made the two great lights—the greater light to rule the day and the lesser light to rule the night—and the stars. 17 And God set them in the expanse of the heavens to give light on the earth, 18 to rule over the day and over the night, and to separate the light from the darkness. And God saw that it was good. 19 And there was evening and there was morning, the fourth day.

20 And God said, “Let the waters swarm with swarms of living creatures, and let birds[g]fly above the earth across the expanse of the heavens.” 21 So God created the great sea creatures and every living creature that moves, with which the waters swarm, according to their kinds, and every winged bird according to its kind. And God saw that it was good. 22 And God blessed them, saying, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the waters in the seas, and let birds multiply on the earth.” 23 And there was evening and there was morning, the fifth day.

24 And God said, “Let the earth bring forth living creatures according to their kinds—livestock and creeping things and beasts of the earth according to their kinds.” And it was so. 25 And God made the beasts of the earth according to their kinds and the livestock according to their kinds, and everything that creeps on the ground according to its kind. And God saw that it was good.

26 Then God said, “Let us make man[h] in our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.”

Ezekiel 37:4-13

4 Then he said to me, “Prophesy over these bones, and say to them, O dry bones, hear the word of the Lord. 5 Thus says the Lord God to these bones: Behold, I will cause breath[b] to enter you, and you shall live.6 And I will lay sinews upon you, and will cause flesh to come upon you, and cover you with skin, and put breath in you, and you shall live, and you shall know that I am theLord.”

7 So I prophesied as I was commanded. And as I prophesied, there was a sound, and behold, a rattling,[c] and the bones came together, bone to its bone. 8 And I looked, and behold, there were sinews on them, and flesh had come upon them, and skin had covered them. But there was no breath in them. 9 Then he said to me, “Prophesy to the breath; prophesy, son of man, and say to the breath, Thus says the Lord God: Come from the four winds, O breath, and breathe on these slain, that they may live.” 10 So I prophesied as he commanded me, and the breath came into them, and they lived and stood on their feet, an exceedingly great army.

11 Then he said to me, “Son of man, these bones are the whole house of Israel. Behold, they say, ‘Our bones are dried up, and our hope is lost; we are indeed cut off.’12 Therefore prophesy, and say to them, Thus says the Lord God: Behold, I will open your graves and raise you from your graves, O my people. And I will bring you into the land of Israel. 13 And you shall know that I am the Lord, when I open your graves, and raise you from your graves, O my people.

Acts 5:5,9-10

5 When Ananias heard these words, he fell down and breathed his last. And great fear came upon all who heard of it.

9 But Peter said to her, “How is it that you have agreed together to test the Spirit of the Lord? Behold, the feet of those who have buried your husband are at the door, and they will carry you out.” 10 Immediately she fell down at his feet and breathed her last. When the young men came in they found her dead, and they carried her out and buried her beside her husband.

Acts 9:34

34 And Peter said to him, “Aeneas, Jesus Christ heals you; rise and make your bed.” And immediately he rose.