I'm just going to be real with you- I don't have it all figured out. Shocker! Right? I hope not. SO often of the time I am so tempted to only let my wisdom show, and to "put my best face forward". I wouldn't dare tell you that the other day I sat on the floor in my closet alone and confessed to CHRIST all the things I hate about myself. I wouldn't dare tell you that there is a constant battle going off in my mind about my worth and my unworthiness. Why on earth would I dare tell you that and risk the chance that maybe you like me even a little bit? Maybe. Why would I compromise any opportunity of being perfectly awesome? Why? Here's why, and it may come as a surprise to you (all sarcasm intended), I'm not. There was only ONE perfectly awesome man to walk this earth. HIS name is JESUS. There was once a time early in my walk with CHRIST that I eagerly looked forward to the day I would have it all figured out- flash forward 9 years and...nope still haven't got there. YET I've realized one very profound thing- I'm not meant to. All those day dreams about growing in wisdom and figuring it all out have been put into reverse. The more that I grow, the more I realize how much I don't have it all together and I really don't have a clue what I'm doing. Not a single thing. Throw back to your old Sunday school bible verse "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding...", and oh wait! I'm not meant to understand everything about everything?! More so not lean on what I do understand? Uh, yeah. Why? If I understood everything about everything I wouldn't trust in the ONE who is omniscient. Suddenly, I understand what truly matters. Guess what?! I don't get it. I do not understand. I'm foolish, and I don't have it all figured out. Does my point seem redundant by now? Good. Just trying to dig the nail into the ground (or whatever the saying is- I don't know, I haven't figured it out yet).
By now your either wandering one of two things: 1.) What on earth was she doing in her closet?! or 2.) your still trying to wrap your head around my last paragraph. Let me know when you've figured it out, because that would make one of us. Either way, I'm moving forward. Something did come from my time alone in my closet- GOD faithfully put Psalm 139:14 on the forefront of my mind. "I praise YOU, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are YOUR works; my soul knows it very well." I love that the NASB version says "I will give thanks to YOU". I've read this verse about a kazillion times in my life, I've prayed it over little ones, spoken "I am fearfully and wonderfully made" over and over again- and have overlooked the part that says "I will give thanks". Honestly, I don't always believe that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. If were all honest we've all been there. So I paused in that heart broken moment of my life and turned all that self-hatred into a prayer of thanks. "Thank you GOD for my oily, acne prone complexion. Thank you for my old soul self that struggles to relate with my current generation. Thank you for how tall YOU have made me. Thank YOU for your knowledge of all my fears, insecurities, and areas of doubt. Thank YOU that YOU love me past my wicked, ugly, sin-tainted heart. Thank YOU for making me just as YOU have, including the parts of me I don't necessarily like about myself. ABBA, I ask that you help my unbelief and help me see me as YOU see me. To know in my soul that I am a wonderful creation. An image bearer. A part of YOUR crowning creation." That prayer took a lot out of me. To humble myself so low in confession and gratitude. It's hard to be real, to be honest, and transparent with yourself, others and with GOD. It strips us of our pride. It is good to give thanks to a holy GOD who is our CREATOR over our design- because the focus can no longer be on us- it MUST be on HIM who is worthy.
So here is my challenge for you today in whatever stage of life you are in give thanks to GOD surrendering your design in gratitude to HIM who created, and fashioned you in intricate detail. If you have children teach them these same things. Whenever you start to feel the temptation pull towards self-hatred give thanks to GOD who created you- not in a place of pride, but of great humility and surrender. Have grace for yourself and know that you are not alone in this. If you never meet another soul in your life who is real, and honest about their imperfections- know that I, Frances Hope Allen, can only preach what I must daily practice. More than anything we must call to mind that we have a GREAT, HIGH PRIEST in JESUS CHRIST who SYMPATHIZES with our weaknesses and without sin. We don't have to be perfect or have it all figured out- we must simply trust HIM who does and give thanks to the way HE has created us.
Much Love, Frances Hope
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